At a Slant

I do not understand this slant
The course of which to rhyme
For my natural flow of banter
Escapes its rhythm binds

Is it on consonant or vowels
In which diction should rule?
Syllable counts have me scowling
In fret of lines I’ll misconstrue

Erato and I scratch our heads
And ask a boon of Calliope
For even Euterpe deeds
This may better suit Melpomene

Above lined paper my pen pauses
To wit my brain cells are not bent
I’m feeling like a poetic pauper
No, I do not understand this slant

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So at dVerse Poets Pub, Karin/Manicdaily has us using slant rhyme in poetry. Well, others are using, I’m weakly attempting, as I cannot seem to grasp my cranium around the concept. Still, The Little Engine That Could in me never says die. So as I’m wont to do when I don’t get it – I had some fun with it instead and hopefully my frustration becomes your enjoyment.

dVerse ~ Poets Pub | Meeting the Bar at a Slant

Verbal Diarrhea Diaries: Song and Dance

A friend posted the following image from Telly Leung’s Facebook page:

I think the world would be so much happier if everyone broke out in song and dance every once in a while

Click for full-size image.

Sorta sequitur: If you see the name Telly Leung in any play or musical, just buy the damn ticket and go. He is a phenomenal performer and once you see him in action, you do not forget him.

Now for those of you who may not recognize the photograph, is from the 1978 movie musical Grease. It is the film adaptation of the  Broadway musical of the same name.  Specifically it is a still from the last scene and musical number “We Go Together”.  Whether you’ve seen the movie or show, and love it as I do, I know you’re already singing it in your head, but I digress…

My initial comment to her post was “This should be a lawful requirement. At least once a quarter, mandatory. Don’t know how one would regulate it, but this should happen. lol”

A cutesy enough response, I thought nothing of it as I went back to to what I was doing. However, the idea of actually regulating such a thing must have continued to run in the back of my mind because about fifteen minutes later a scenario popped into my head and would not let go. Of course I had to share it with K, my friend who posted the pick. The scenario (with spelling and grammar corrected) went like this:

Note: “K” of course is my beautiful friend. Official Looking Gentlemen (OLG) in my crazy mind looks and sounds a lot like Agent Smith from the Matrix trilogy.

K answers a knock at her front door.
Official Looking Gentlemen: Ms. S., we are from the DOE-PHD, Department of Entertainment – Personal Health Division.

K: Yes?

OLG: According to our records you have not broken into spontaneous song and dance within the past six months thereby breaking Ordinance No. 68251.3 Section 2LEFTFEET.

K: Right now? But, but I’m just so busy!

OLG: Ma’am if you do not break into a rousing rendition of “Cabaret” we will have to immediately detain you with others who have failed to comply. You will not be allowed to return to your home until enough people are gathered to recreate either the “We Go Together” scene from “Grease” or “America” from “West Side Story”

K: Oh no!

OLG: Oh yes! Lyrics and dance moves will be provided if necessary. I should advise you that either number requires a minimum of ten attendees for your PHD fulfillment to be deemed complete. I currently only have three others, thus this may take a while.

K: What should I do?

OLG: I highly suggest that you drop everything and give me Liza in 5…4…3…

K (grabs convenient bowler hat and cane located right next to the front door): 🎵 What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play.
Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
Come to the Cabaret! 🎶

PS -1: I know this would NEVER happen to either one of us K. We break into unprompted song and dance now as it is.

PS-2: Man, I crack myself up sometimes!

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Yes, I have issues – as if you didn’t already know that.  Now excuse me, while  belt out a few-flat- bars of my current earworm “Diamonds Are Forever”, soon to be the chagrin of my co-workers.

Verbal Diarrhea Diaries: Hung Up

Oh dear me!

As I am walking out the ladies room, a colleague is walking out of the adjacent men’s room. My earring chose that moment to drop  from my ear and we both bent to retrieve it. As we rose I observed that he needed to “XYZ” and whispered such to him.  He was so embarrassed as all get out that he full body slammed into the men’s room door when he spun around to run back in and adjust the issue. Unfortunately, that only made things worse as he bounced off the door causing more of an issue. Guess who now knows that said colleague a) clearly is commando today and b) is hung.

I somehow kept a straight face as I quickly turned to walk away and nearly walked into another co-worker a couple of steps away. By the expression on her face I knew she saw…

“Was that his…?”
“Yup!”
“Really?”
“Yuuuup!”
“Holy….!”
“Hamm as in Jon?”

The same male colleague exits the men’s room again, everything now in its proper place this time. He sees us standing there, clearly knowing what’s being discussed and all but runs down the corridor to get away.

My co-worker nods, still clearly impressed by the glimpse she saw earlier. Then looks at me rolling her eyes at the bad Jon Hamm joke reference. “That’s so cheesy, you can do better than that.”

“Perhaps” I nod grinning, “but now I think I want croque monsieur for lunch.”

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Let see how others are slicing stories up at Two Writing Teachers

Slice of Life - Two Writing Teachers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two Writing Teachers : Weekly Slice of Life Writing Challenge

No Arguments Here

This morning I’m standing in line at one of my usual breakfast places. That there is a long line, long by my standards as a regular, tells me someone came in with a large order that is slowing down the usually quick and efficient process of the line cooks. It happens sometimes, you deal with it or you walk away. I was contemplating between the two options when one of the line cooks spies me at the back of the line and smiles. He holds up one finger, then two fingers, his head cocked to the side in an unspoken query. I smile back, wave and then nod, holding up one finger. In this particular restaurant they have two things I like to order for breakfast. Isidori, the second line cook, is silently asking if I want my breakfast sandwich (#1) or my omelette platter (#2). Thus, I just as silently respond yes, I would like the sandwich. He smiles and indicates with his head to go ahead to the cashier.

Ah, the sweet perks of being an engaging regular! I am spoiled sometimes.

I blow a kiss to him in gratitude and go to pay for my meal. I stand adjacent to a woman who is ticking off the various items ordered to Cristina, the cashier, making sure they have everything. Now I know who had the big order. Cristina asks about the size of a coffee ordered and the woman calls out to someone on different line.

“Margie! What size you want your hazelnut coffee again?”

Now, saying she was loud, really does not do it justice. Seriously, I felt my ears pop as though I were in a rapidly moving elevator. At least six different people in my line of vision reacted to the decibel level of her voice by turning their collective heads either towards or away from her and vocalizing some form of exclamation and/or expletive, including my leaning away from her with “Well damn!”

As the nearest person to her, I received the venom of her stare.

“Please! I weren’t that loud.”

I mentally bit my lip resisting the urge to inform her folks on the other side of the International Date Line, where it is the middle of the night, are likely waking up wondering why they are thinking about hazelnut coffee. Luckily, she was spared my snark when her friend came over and settled it.

“Yeah, you were. What the hell wrong with you screaming like that?”

She glances around at various raised eyebrow/“you crazy”/WTF reactions to her. You can all, but hear the “Whatever!” going through her mind.

“Raivenne, here’s your breakfast honey.” Isidori and Cristina in their usual efficiency already have my food cooked, coffee poured and items bagged.

“Thanks Cristina, here you go.” In my usual efficiency have my credit and restaurant discount card at the ready as I walk around the two women and pay for my breakfast.

“Have a nice day,” Cristina hands me my cards and my bagged order. “See you tomorrow?”

“Thanks, maybe. Enjoy your day.” I take my items and start turning to leave.

“Wait, I was in front of her, how she go first?” Ms. Decibel wants to know. At least her voice has returned to a volume more acceptable for human conversation.

Cristina looks at her in confusion, clearly not understanding her question.

“Because she’s Raivenne…” she states as though it should be obvious.

I smirk and walk away, who am I to argue with such infallible logic?

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It’s Tuesday – come see how others are slicing it up today at Two Writing Teachers:

Slice of Life graphic

Slice of Life Story Challenge – Two Writing Teachers

You Know You Want Me…

.
.
I take a gulp of calorie free air
To stave off the craving I’m trying to brake
But I just can’t cope for goodness sake!
It’s not that the bunch of grapes are bad
Save it’s just not the thing to make me glad
So I’ll not lend an ear to its call
I’ll not let my gut be my downfall
I’ll not waiver from my niche
I’ll not satisfy this itch
Though it’s call is to me is proud
I’ll not give in it’s not allowed
“Just a thread of a piece” the call starts to quiver
No! No! No! Oh all right! Just a tiiiiiiiny sliver!
Knowing straight to my hips is where it’s bound
It’s a slippery slide from a diet to a pound
Oh why did that rhubarb, to me, start to talk?!
Guiltily home, with my whole pie, I walk

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…because I’m in a silly mood

dVerse ~ Poets Pub | OpenLinkNight Week 132

Verbal Diarrhea Diares: On Bended Knee

I’m in Starbucks waiting in line to order a chai latte. I happen to be standing by the fridge unit where the yogurt parfaits, salads, sandwiches et cetra are kept. The line, as usual, is long and formed a curve around.  A guy opposite me on the curve politely says excuse me and ask to look at the items in the fridge.  I’m in line, but I manage to step back a smidgen to give him a better view. When he leans over to visually scan the items and reaches out for something, the back of his hand accidentally brushing against my thigh lightly. He snatches his hand back apologizing profusely.  It’s a small space between me, the person in line in front of me and he in between us, shit happens, I wave him off ignoring him.

Not surprisingly , there’s some sort of traffic jam at the cash registesr and the line doesn’t move for a good two minutes and “shit happens” again.  He is on one knee as he picks up items and puts them back “deciding”.  This is clearly not an accident.  His friend who is still in queue at their original spot, looks at the idiot clearly surprised by his behavior. He glances at me, who is clearly about to catch a case on this mofo, and suddenly becomes interested in a spot on a wall far, far away.  So it’s like that huh? No problem.

I look down at Tweedledumb “Honey, I know I smell good down there, but from that position you either need to get up out of my way, ask for my hand in marriage or commence cunnilingus immediately, your choice.”

He turns beet red, knocking over a basket with various coffees for sale in his haste to stand, much to the amusement of those who heard me, especially his friend who called him an ass and laughed in his face.

“You sure you don’t want to take me up on the last offer?”  I ask as the line finally moves, sparking more snickering.  He quickly shakes his head in the negative and finds that same far off spot his friend found earlier.  Yes, I’m evil.

I place my order and the idiot and his friend wind up waiting together with others for our respective purchases.  I have my earbuds on, but the music is playing low so I can hear when they call my name. I can also hear Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber speaking low off to the side.  Apparently the hand brushes against me were accidental, but he wasn’t going to apologize again until he had stood up.  And while I was being facetious when I said it to him, apparently I really did smell good to him while he was down there. He was trying to decide if it was me or the fruit in the fridge that he smelled when I busted him.

I did not hear the result of his ‘analysis’ as my name was called then, but me being me I just had to have one last word. Chai in hand I whispered as I passed him.

“Your loss, I taste *divine*!”

Repeat: Yes, I’m evil.

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Slice of Life graphic

Slice of Life Writing Challenge

Verbal Diarrhea Diaries: I’ll Be Damned

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So, a guy emails me through an online dating site:

“I am going to assume that my profile is too casual/risqué for you, but I thought I’d shoot you a line anyway. (You have a fetching smile.)”

Of course I check out his profile. He states he wants a FWB, not looking for serious dating and is desirous of a woman with intelligence.

Got it – he wants a fuck, just not a dumb one.

My response?

“Hello,

My dentist and I thank you.

“Check you out!” as the kids say, throwing down the gauntlet on the opening play.

If I respond in the negative I come off as looking prudish, yet a positive one is indicative that I am open to only being someone ‘beneficial’. If I am open to such with you, who else have I been beneficial to? Providing I am someone simpatico to your intelligence and views to be worthy of said fornication.

Damned if I do and damned if I do. Fiddley-dee, whatever is a woman to do?

Oh, I can pick up that gauntlet and cyber strike you across the face with it. (Insert emoticon with tongue sticking out here.) [<– Yes, I actually wrote it out as such.]

Ya gonna take that?

Rai”

This is not to say I would or would not go for a roll –or a few- in the hay with him. He is attractive and arrogant and just the sort of ego balloon I like to stick my pins in and pop.

Regardless, one has to prove worthiness of my wrapping these thick juicy thighs around, and that ain’t the way, Bub.

Verbal Diarrhea Diaries: Tinkering Around

Some of my holiday cards arrived at my job. The glitter from one card fell out of the envelope and dead into my lap, highlighting an area that really does not need attention called to it, especially while I’m at work. When one my of co-workers jokingly asked what happened it went like this:

Me (looking down seeing the extent of mess for the first time): Well, you know how with fairies their kisses always leave a trail of sparkles?

Him (cautiously, knowing it’s going to be bad): Yeah…?

Me: Well, Tinker Bell was attempting cunnilingus again as I was getting dressed. The little bitch is sooo good, but won’t take no for answer when I have to go to work.

Him (laughing): What?

Me: I look like I’ve been vajazzled under these pants.

Him (groaning): Dammit, I had to ask.

Me: That’s what you get for looking at my crotch.

Friday 55: I Know

3am wake-up to catch a 5am flight. Don’t want to wake him yet, so I trod to the bathroom in the dark.
The splash of cold water on my cheeks is bracing and I cuss waking him anyway.

“Crap! I know, sorry!” He yells.
“What do you know?”
“I left the toilet seat up again.”

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Just having a little fun with today’s Friday Flash 55

Verbal Diarrhea Diaries: Premature Libation

While (im)patiently waiting for my Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte to be made, a barista calls out for Jack. When Jack retrieves his purchase, he grins with pride as he hoists the drink in salute to the female friend/colleague/whatever standing beside him.

“I came faster.”

No, I sincerely did not know the man at all.

No, I sincerely could not resist.

No, I sincerely did not care.

“You know most guys do not admit that out loud or with pride.” I grinned.

Thankfully yes, he and his female friend/colleague/whatever had a sense of humor and laughed.