I am a woman of contrasts. I am a very social person, but I also need quiet time to myself. I think I lead a somewhat interesting life, when I am not bored out of my mind. Some days that may mean running across the City in a stylized Santa suit, or shooting marshmallows at unsuspecting zombies. Some days it’s movies, Broadway, museums, opera and/or dinner with friends. Some days it’s a loaf of bread, a charcuterie plate, a chunk of smoked gouda and brie, a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and a good book. (I do hope someday my “thou” will come for those who are wondering/curious/nosy.)

I am sarcastic, witty and down right bawdy in my sense of humor. I crack jokes and make bad puns. Baaaaaaaaaad puns.  No, seriously I do mean face palm worthy bad puns. I am not politically correctly and don’t even try to be.  If you can’t take a joke, especially a bad one, be prepared to move along little doggie.  Sometimes, I’m going to be the queen of civility in my posts; in others, I will make a sailor blush like a mother fucker.  Oh, and that reminds me, sometimes I cuss my Rubenesque African-American callipygian to the point of non-existence.   You’ve been warned.

Speaking of warned. I tell stories in words and prose. Some of the stories are mine, some belong to others and some the purview of Muse. Thus, I write on a variety of subjects and not all of them are happy ones. There are writes in here that are going to trigger people. I, or Muse, felt it and so it was written. Sexual abuse, suicide, self harm, abuse of a minor and more – it’s mixed in here amongst the lovely and the sexy and the inspirational and the funny. I am the world’s worst tagger for these types of things, so while I am not sorry, I was compelled to write and post them after all, I do apologize.

As for my writing style? Metaphorically speaking in analogies, I’m straight to the point (see the very first sentence in this post for clarification). I am not a believer in using fourteen syllable words just for the sake of using them. Conversely, nor am I prone to using fourteen single syllable words to convey a thought, when there a couple of perfectly good four syllable words available. I stand accused for the grandiose utilization of verbiage more voluminous than indicative of the given lexicon, just as much as I stand accused for not writing to my full vocabulary (R.I.P. Isaac Hayes – hint: it has nothing to do with South Park).  It does not serve well as a communicator if no one comprehends that which is being said. Nor does it serve well to keep going down three rungs on the vocabulary ladder because there are those who cannot be so bothered to use http://www.m-w.com to bring themselves up one. So to both critiques I politely and most emphatically request a sincere: suck it.

Just putting it out there…

I didn’t get to be a Big Beautiful Woman by missing thirds.  If you ever want to suck up to me, all you need to know is: STEEEEAAAAK!! Seafood is a thisclose second. Essentially, if it went “moo” or “baa” or came from under water in a shell, I love it.  There are very few things I don’t like.  However, it would not be wise to surprise me with exotic fare such as that dish involving a duck that hasn’t quite hatched yet, or something involving the friendly neighborhood pet or rodent; because you’re probably not going to like my system’s auto-purge response. Also, red velvet cupcakes/cake and a good key-lime pie works wonders – just sayin’…