According to the Amazon.com Product description:

YOU’RE EITHER A MILF OR YOU’RE A MILF-DUD. TAKE YOUR PICK. 

For thousands of years, women have been expected to hang up their “hotness” once they had kids. They disappeared behind their families and the dashboards of minivans…Until now! Whether sporting a cardigan and jeans, sweats or a business suit, today’s Mom is a shining example of confidence, poise, and age-defying beauty. Even as she juggles carpool, PTA, and the demands of the office, or shrieks, “GET IN THE TUB, NOOOWWW!”, she’s pretty darn hot.

Really? No, REALLY?!?!?

In all fairness, I do get the point Ms. Maizes is attempting to make. That a woman should not feel that she is somehow less attractive just because she became a mother. She’s still a beautiful woman (can’t you all but hear the regardless inserted there), and she should never lose sight of it. I get that. What annoys the hell out of me is her so subtle title choice to get her point across.

To be or not to be a MILF? Ain’t that a question!  Because, yes, if there is one descriptive above all others that I want my accomplishments to be expounded upon, it’s via the use one of the most objectifying adjectives for a female, straight out of internet porn.

I’m guessing referring to a female parent as a Mother I’d Like to Love is far too hard to change into an acronym and pronounce, but I digress.  American Pie brought the lovely phrase MILF (acronym for Mother I’d Like to Fuck for those who truly don’t know), to the mainstream lexicon, but the phrase, as well as mothers worthy of garnering sexual attraction have existed long before then. Stacy’s mom (80’s song reference), was definitely one. Mrs. Robinson (The Graduate) was one. Hell, if you go by the bible (and Cecil B. DeMille’s), depiction, so was Nefretiri. But I bet you wouldn’t have called any of them a MILF to their faces without immediately receiving a backhand to yours. Nowadays, a woman is not a decent mom if she does not wear her MILF t-shirt proudly. Oh wait, no decent MILF worth her cardigan would be caught dead wearing one.

And here’s the kicker… If you think about it, this book is aimed at mothers of children middle school age and younger. So, where does that place us mothers of college graduates? What about the mothers of very adult children? Are we suddenly relieved of the pressures of looking sex worthy once the kiddies are safely past adolescence? Wait, I think there is a term, what does it say above? Oh yeah… Milf-duds. Aaaah, don’t we feel so much better about our station in life now? I guess we can go back to using our brains to get by as we won’t have much of anything else going for us in the looks by then.

As if what the average mother needs -after her teenager has compared her to Satan for insisting that homework get done, as the middle-child brings in a very feral looking stray for pet potential, just as the little one swipes the cell phone and presses the end call button on her boss – is something telling her she also needs to look like a Hollywood starlet while doing it.

Take your PHDs down and put your FMPs on, it’s all about the hawtness baby.

/rant – sarcasm drip – major eye rolling