Category Archives: Just Me, Being Me

It’s No Sacrifice

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I am not Catholic, but I like the basic idea of Lent. Well, my interpretation of it anyway. The idea of sacrifice, of giving up something. Sometimes, I’m surprisingly good at it.

The year I gave up chocolate was stunningly easy by the Friday after Lent started, Snickers candy bars and I separated from our daily habits. Separated to the point, that once Lent was over, I didn’t pick the habit back up again. It was not a conscious decision, I simply stopped.

On the other hand, the year I attempted to give up my potty-mouth…? I woke up at 5am that Wednesday morning, and by the time I reached work at 8am that same morning – well… Let’s just say, the the less I say about that bullshit the better.

Then was was the year I gave up meat. Not just beef and poultry, seafood as well. I good thing right? How is it I wound up in Atlantic City for a friends birthday for a weekend in early April. A weekend that included an All-You-Can-Eat Seafood Saturday at one of the restaurant. A restaurant where the ONLY thing that did not have some form of flesh in it was a salad. Not the salad, that might have indicated choices. No it was literally A single salad, for the rest had some form of meat mixed in. There was something like seven different salads available. I could only eat ONE in the entire buffet. My friends thought I was insane as I stuck to my miserly guns as they cracked open crab leg after crab leg after crab leg. I was proud of myself, because I did not cave. For any of you who read may have read my About Raivenne page – you know how I suffered.

This year it was junk food.

Because yes, leave it up to mean to give up comfort food the year of Coronavirus. At work it would have been easier. There I have to make an effort to get up and go to the vending machine or the concession stand if I want to munch. I did not realize how much garbage I consumed daily until I noticed had a little something of a surplus in my finances. Thanks to self-isolation that bump also included how much I have saved by not being able to go to Starbucks..

From the files of Good Deed/Unpunished : Lent started on Ash Wednesday as always – my order of Girl scouts arrived that Friday. The following week I had to give away a cake because I could not eat it. I also was gifted a variety snack box of the chips. And because Fate and than wretch Karma like having fun, I was reminded by a friend that it is technically 46 days of no cakes or chips or cookies or…or…or…because why not?

Every single day I glared at the Thin Mints, Dipsy Doodles etc mocking me from atop the refrigerator, and the Häagen-Dazs giving me the cold shoulder for ignoring it in the freezer. All the while thinking to myself how they were going to be Alllll Minnnnnne. Oh I relished sinking my teeth into the salty savor of chips, the sweet goodness of butter pecan, come Easter Sunday.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the Junk food.

Easter Sunday came and went and I have yet to touch any of it. Not even to sniff the plastic.

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit, a minimum of 90 to break an addiction. It’s now Tuesday night, 48 days since Ash Wednesday and I just started thinking about it. Now I wonder if my junk food days are behind my like Snickers. Let’s see how long it lasts.

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Let’s see how others are slicing it up this week – Slice of Life Tuesday

The Return

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In distant dreams
the muse
will

Come read to
me some
poem

Words soon forgotten
upon eyes
opening.

I create this
just to
prove,

I can launch
bright words,
forms

on pixilated paper
that mean
naught.

In my zest
nothing is
sacred.

Yet I hesitate
before I
begin

Because one words
should have
meaning

Before they escape
to the
sun

And the moon
and the
stars.

Then I realize
with vibrant
jubilation

That to do
this little
bit

Is a start.
I beam
YES!

In silent lucidity,
my muse
returns…

National Poetry Month 2020

Flower

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There’s a flower that’s grown
inside my heart
from a seed he’s planted there

Somehow it endured
despite the coldness
despite how hard I tried

To keep it from growing
I was never prepared
for the warmth of sunshine

That came from his smile
or the rain of tears
from his empathy

Gently pulling away the weeds
that threatened to harm
with his gentle touch

And the flower grew

Strong and beautiful
Until I could no longer fight it
And no longer wanted to

National Poetry Month 2020

I Never Guessed

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Dawn finds me at the window waiting for the sunlight
As once again I suffered another sleepless night
The once brilliant stars no longer seem as bright
Because you’re not here with me to enjoy the sight

I carry this sense of gloom in the noon of day
The things once beautiful no longer hold sway
I never dreamed how your voice my mind can replay
Or how for the lack of you, my heart does decay

I never guessed how deep
Was your love’s imbue
The vast emptiness inside me
That only you can fill
How much of my life is
Wrapped around yours too
I pray to let you know
Baby, yes I do, love you still

These walls still hold your laughter, carry your scent
A bittersweet symphony that cause my heart’s rent
And staying away from home, does not pain circumvent
For all the reminders of you, in every place we once went

Only when the synergy was gone, did I understand our rapport
How I can’t seem to lift myself, for it’s you who helps me soar
A call, a letter, name it, baby I’m on my knees ready to implore
To beg, to plead, anything to hold you in my arms once more

Our friends say that we are living in a hellish trance
You know without each other, neither of us can advance
I vow to replace every stolen moment of our romance
Just give me the chance, baby, please give me the chance

I never guessed how deep
Was your love’s imbue
The vast emptiness inside me
That only you can fill
How much of my life is
Wrapped around yours too
I pray to let you know
Baby, yes I do, love you still

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National Poetry Month Day 2

National Poetry Month 2020

And Now It’s Time…

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🎇🎇 !! WE MADE IT !! 🎇🎇

As always each year I participate I wonder if I will make it through. There have definitely been more just before the stroke of midnight posts than I would have liked this go around, but I made it.

Some may have picked up new people to follow. Some may have reconnected with slices not chatted with since last year’s challenge. Some have kept up with slicers who may be their constants throughout the year, not solely in March. And this year we each did it in our own bubbles of self-isolation as we work through this global COVID-19 pandemic.

👏👏 Let’s give ourselves multi rounds of applause, we deserve it 👏👏

And now it’s time to say good-bye to all our company… As the Mickey Mouse Club used to close each episode. But is it really time to say good-bye? I think it rather fitting that this year’s writing challenge ends on a Tuesday. It is an excellent reminder that we will return to our weekly Tuesday postings. I suspect many of us will appreciate the reminder.

It may be over, but it’s not the end.

It’s the final day of Slice of Life Writing Challenge for 2020.

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Comforts

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It was a rainy day and a Monday. The Carpenters may not have been too keen on a day like today, going by the classic song. Truth be told, it’s not my least favorite cup of tea, either. Overcast skies all of the day. The pitter-pattering of rain usually soothing, but today in a discordant pattern in the wind that was not conducive to calm.

But, today was a good day.

Yes, I’m still self-isolating. Yes, today was eight hours of work from home. Yes, my phone rang with people asking stupid questions, and someone looking for someone else thought it good sport to ring my buzzer for entry in spite of my telling them twice they were wringing the wrong apartment and I was not letting them in. And had the pleasure of hearing when I was called out of my name when the person passed my door having finally rung the correct buzzer and let in.

Still, today was a good day. Today was a Hygge Day.

Hygge (pronounced “hoo-gah”), is a Danish and Norwegian word for a mood of coziness and comfortable conviviality with feelings of wellness and contentment. In short, it’s a way of living that focuses on hunkering down in the winter and creating a safe, comforting and warm place to while away cold, wet evenings, whether you’re at home solo or entertaining and defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as “to cherish oneself; to keep or make oneself snug”.

It’s officially spring, but it is a cold wet day and I could use self-snuggling. Luckily I knew no one needed to see my beautiful face today. It was a scarf, t-shirt and loose jeans type of day, be comfortable day.

It began with instead of my usual mug of coffee, I brewed tea. In a teapot loose leafed mint-ginger. Yes, a stimulant, but I was working after all. I didn’t want to self-snug myself to sleep! For lunch I went old-school with tomato soup and an gooey melty grilled cheese sandwich. Usually a staple, That was something I had yet to do this relatively mild NYC winter. It was perfect. For dinner I had left over seafood paella that could have been fine dinner fare, but I wanted classic comfort food. Thus it was my leftover meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy, baked mac and cheese, and greens.

Simple fare for a simple day. It’s called comfort food for a reason. Comfort food, comfort clothes, on a made for comfort day – a perfect sense of Hygee.

Yeah, today was a good day.

It’s Day 30 of the 2020 Slice of Life Writing Challenge. And then there was one.

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Again On Sunday

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I was on the phone with a friend earlier who teased that a day of rest for me is when I’m only doing three things at once. That I was changing my linens while waiting for the just mopped kitchen floor to dry before I can mop-n-go it and took a moment to jot down a couple of plot bunnies that popped into my head even as I spoke with her sort of gave her veracity, but I got her point.

After I’ve spent a couple of hours being Domestic Goddess to my humble abode I decided that a break and lunch were in order. Naturally, I do a little Facebooking while I indulge in more caffeine and think about what is going to be today’s slice. Then I come across a gem in my memories.

My flat may never featured on a home decor periodical, but today it is clean. I still have dinner to make between loads of laundry and a few other things. So, it amused me to see this eleven year old post concerning Sundays and days of rest being anything else coming full circle. And that even then a friend knew that a day of actual resting was not likely going to be the case with me.

I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not. Is my definition of rest that different from many of my friends? Do I really don’t know how to rest unless I’m exhausted? Perhaps I’ll think about it later while I start backing up my computer while configuring my laptop as I catch up on the last couple of episodes “Outlander.” See? Only three things, and one includes semi-binge TV watching – it will be restful(ish) 😁.

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It’s Day 29 of the 2020 Slice of Life Writing Challenge – come see how others are slicing it up this Saturday.

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Eat-sentially…

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My work wife and I went into the office today. My first time being back at my desk since last Tuesday. After being at our respective desks for a while we decided coffee was needed, but in world of coronavirus the question then became – who is open?

Generally, there are no less than ten places within walking distance in which coffee could be procured on a normal weekday. But this is not a normal day which we quickly reminded. The kiosks were closed. The concession stand was closed. The two popular restaurant chains were closed. The three Starbucks in the immediate area were closed.

I work for an agency that provides essential services, in my area are other agencies that also provide essential services. We’re all 24/7/366 we knew someone had to be open in the area and we found it.

Unlike the chains, this is a privately owned bar/restaurant. The owner understood that essential workers were still coming in and we have to eat. Yes, a lot of the food options were trimmed from the menu, and all of it was take-out only now, but it was open for business.

In the mornings around 9am, there is always a line of workers getting their grub and the oh so necessary caffeine fix. However, knowing there is always a line is one thing. Seeing that same line with social distancing engaged is another.

Granted exactly how close/far the suggested six feet of distance between people needs to be worked by some out, but it was in place.

Food line up in the time of Corona…

I got on the quickly growing line to hold a place while my work-wife went to the register to find out if we had to be on it to get coffee. Luckily, because we were only getting coffee we did not have to get on line. We were in and out of there quickly.

It’s a unique world we’re in right now. We know it’s not easy for the owners or the workers who come in to keep us caffeinated and fed. But it is appreciated.

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Wow Day 26! I’m essentially kicking it for today’s Slice of Life Writing Challenge for 2020.

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Too Much & Not Enough

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Today I’ve several hours bouncing between authoring two different training manuals for applications in beta stages. I tweaked a current manual for a application in production, that I forgot to update seemingly ago. Tested a function to make sure it does what I think it does in the manner I think it should. Emailed assistance to work clients, phone assistance to the tech challenged who know I’m home and think I can stop everything and be their personal desktop support because they are working from home and need help now. All the, while completely ignoring that I too am working from and cannot be ‘away from my desk’ for any length of time. I know this is Murphy Law in the making – if I respond to the “I’m sure it’s something simple that you’ll figure out easy” while actually be something that will have me there for over an hour.

Ten minutes after I clocked-out for the day, I realized I could not remember if I saved any the the important documents I had open. I had not, nor had I pressed sent “Send” on three different emails. Other than the tweak, I am not anywhere near to completion on either manuals as I had hoped to be by now.

Once “home” I spent that over an hour I feared being helpdesk support. Back to my own stuff, the pattern repeated itself. in getting caught up in yesterdays projects I fell behind in professionally and then personally. I realized I did not respond to the emails of a few other people. Including one to a good friend in thanks for a favor received. Downloaded but have yet to review a document being translated form French to English. Looked up information to ensure I have in fact cancelled all the travel arrangements made for the next couple of weeks. among other things.

Luckily, I have not turned off my alarm for 2300. It’s the one I use so I know to stop what I’m doing and prepare what ever clothes I need for work the next day and wash any dishes waiting etc. Unluckily it also reminds me that I have yet to do what I am ding this exact moment – my slice.

And all of this on a machine that has me crossing fingers and toes, wishing on stars and seeking goodvibes that it doesn’t quit before it’s laid off.

I have two extra hours to get things done since I am not commuting. How am I so overworked?

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Day 25: alive and barely kicking for today’s Slice of Life Writing challenge for 2020 – but I am still kicking.

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Ode to Della

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A fellow slicer posted how he was informed by the maker of her computer that it was no longer covered. He knew nothing was wrong with his computer and it was a marketing ploy, something to get him to buy something bigger! Shinier! Newer! He wisely and humorously ignored it knowing his ” outdated (sorry, I meant to say seasoned friend” was just fine for now.

I wish I could say the same of mine.

I found the receipt, she became mine in 2013. I wasn’t a poor black child but I was, and still am, a far cry from affluent and I never was a tech snob. She was not the newest thing on the market. As a Win7 when the world was fawning over the less than a year old Windows 8, she wasn’t the newest thing on the previous year’s market, but she was more than ready to do what I needed her to do and was new to me. The first time I turned her on and she zoomed to life I knew we were a good match.

But that was in 2013 and with apologies to Barbara Walter – this is 2020.

She was a little for a bit clunky when I finally fed her Windows 8 in 2014, but we worked it out. All the while I was adding new programs and apps and streaming services. I upped her memory, we had our moments of defragg and we checked-disked. Got her a bigger hard drive to move files around. Still, she nearly choked when Microsoft insisted on adding Windows 10 a couple of years ago. I saw the blue screen of death for a moment and my computer life flashed before my eyes, but again, she came through it. She wasn’t champion level anymore, I knew this, but she she still worked out like a contender.

She had been showing more signs of reaching that point since the fall of 2019. But the beginning of the year was the first time she hiccuped in the middle of a file and I lost work. Luckily, I had saved the file recently to an external drive, so it was not a huge loss, about twenty minutes worth of work photoshop work, but it was my first loss. She had begun to loose speed long before then. Having Chrome ask do I want to wait for an application or exit the page had become a regular thing. A few weeks ago I heard the first serious overclocking. The zooming sound a system makes when it’s trying far too hard to do far too much at once. I used to work with computers, I know the difference in sound between a computer that’s I’m hustling, but I got you rush from the I’m getting there, but uh, you gotta give me a min zoom that is too loud and too long.

I am working remotely from home for who knows how long. She does not like the latest apps I installed to to make this happen.And I mean does not like.

Then this past weekend I heard a zoom, a click and a squeak. That is a mechanical failure waiting to happen on the brink of the highest degree. I have no choice. Girl wasn’t getting old, she is old.

“Who you calling old?!” she seemed to say as she glitched, unintentionally giving vercity to the situation.

I was supposed to take two separate trips over the next couple of weeks. Coronavirus put the kibosh on those plans, but it left me with funds to do what I have to.

“You, darling” I sadly said to my beloved system as I pressed Place Order for a new customized new system I configured. “Just hang in there for me a little will ya?”

I’ved duct taped, downloaded, upgraded and “given her all I can, Captain” and she has given me all she can. It long past time I let Della go soft into that dark pixelated night.

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Day 24, of the Slice of Life Writing challenge for 2020 – let’s see how others are slicing it:

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