Verbal Diarrhea Diaries (a.k.a. the shit that comes out of my mouth):
Lyn: Well, I already knew you’re beautiful inside and out, but this makes you positively angelic. Now stop sticking out your tongue and continue to straighten out your halo.
Me: Straighten out my halo? Are you kidding? That thing needs a forge, an anvil and one hell of a beat down to get in any kind of usable shape.
Verbal Diarrhea Diaries (a.k.a. the shit that comes out of my mouth):
So, while holding a bag that clearly contains my lunch in hand, I am about to enter the revolving door of my office building when I spy a colleague exiting. I stand to the side and wait for him to exit.
Seeing my bag he inquires of it contents. I tell him it’s “poison”. I have no idea why, but I can tell by his expression that he doubts the veracity of my statement.
“What? You were warned years ago to never trust a big butt.” I say as I make it a point to smile broadly.
He’s stumped for all of .1 seconds before he starts grinning.
“I can’t play with you.” He throws up his hands and walks away, shaking his head while laughing.
Was it something I said?
– blame Bell Biv DeVoe!
.
Not sure when it happened, horrifies me that it happened without my noticing, but suddenly I am terrified of reaching – truly reaching and risking – for the things I want.
A friend recently posted the above as her Facebook status. The below is my response…
Breathe. You slipped into a moment of complacency. It happens to all of us. Perhaps you needed the break for a moment, but it’s lasted too long and now you’re aware. Rest is over hon, time to get your life in gear again.
Breathe. It is a little more terrifying than the first you put your faith in His hands, while taking your guts in yours and leaped, because then you didn’t think anything could slow your forward motion. Now you know things can if you’re not paying attention and be vigilant, so it does not go too far again. Moreover, you know you had the faith/guts to start this path before, you will and find it again.
Breathe. Stop worrying about the endgame for a moment. What is the very first step you need to accomplish to set you on your path again? Focus on that, complete it, reassess, and focus on that next.
Breathe. How can you ever fail as long you’re ever trying to move forward and so many of us have your back? I’ll let you guess what final word of my heartvice to you will be. You can begin with that…
For an admitted Snark Queen, every now and then, even I surprise myself…
Verbal Diarrhea Diaries – aka the shit that come out of my mouth:
A friend has had stomach problems for nearly a week. Well, nearly a week in which he has admitted it. Knowing him, it was going on for much longer. And why doesn’t he go to the doctor, you (and I) ask?
Quote– I know… I need to see the Dr.. but I am afraid — unquote
Of course me, being the caring, compassionate, being that I am (*cough/wheeze/choke/hack* – dang I can’t even say that in a blog with a straight face- responds as follows:
“Go right ahead and keep on procrastinating seeing the doctor. I declare if I have to come visit you in a hospital because you let something minor turn into something major, all because you were afraid, I am going to redefine the word harangue so badly as to make a filibuster seem a like mere quip!”
Want to take three guesses on who made an appointment -in my presence- to see the doctor on Friday?
I tend to be very flippant verbally. I know, go figure! Still, every now and then, something flies out of my mouth where even I have to stop and admire the genius/stupidity/brazenness of the moment. I already share these on Facebook under the heading of Verbal Diarrhea Diaries (aka the shit that comes out of my mouth). I’ve decided I’ll also post some of them here to share the spontaneous insanity that is my mind with you.
So, I have a running joketationship with the cutie that works behind the counter at one of my favorite coffee shops by my job. Last week he made the mistake of saying that no one makes him blush as I do. I took that as a challenge.
Me (upon seeing him at the register): Hi Z!
Him: Hi Raivenne!
Me: Hello my love, my dove, mon Cherie amour, my little cheese danish…
The two ladies who also work with him, and are quite used to my silliness, start laughing as he grins, knowing it’s only going to get worse while he takes my order.
Him (preparing to pass my purchase to me): Is there anything else you’d like ?
Me (salaciously): You – à la Mode?
Him (laughing and shakes his head): I don’t know about the ice cream, I’m kind of a hairy guy…
Me (not missing a beat): Ooh, traction!
Him (mouth momentarily agape, full on red face, before laughing and raising his hand in high-five to me): Wow, you win.
Me (matter of fact): Of course I do.
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Raivenne-lations 