Tag Archives: inspiration

The Big If

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What in the actual fuck am I do with my existence and time on this planet?? Do you know what you’re doing with yours? If you died today would you be happy?

This query was posed by a friend on Facebook.  Because it was Facebook I gave a quick one paragraph response.  Below is that paragraph expanded out.

The biggest problem with worrying about our existence and time on this earth is that we have no clue how long our ride will last. Therefore worrying about it takes some of that very finite time away from actually living it.  We all, well most of us, want to be someone grand, want to be a known quantity. We want to know we have a purpose in life.  My purpose in life is easy…

Don't just survive life, live it.
Don’t just survive life, live it. 

I believe if I simply live my life to the best of my ability each day, everything else falls into place.

Within the past ten or so years I have rediscovered ME.  The me I am when I’m not being a semi-professional on the job, when I’m not being a mother to now two grown men, when I’m not being a potential someone’s significant other. I have rediscovered the me I am when I take away all the things I have to do and am left with only the things I must to do to make my soul happy. I had no clue as to how just badly I was lost, until I slowly started to find me. I am still learning, challenging and discovering myself, and it has been one heck of an exploration.

I may never be the next Poe or Renoir or Piaf. Especially Piaf,  because this Raivenne who ironically loves karaoke, can’t sing for shit.  Yet on a very small-scale my name is now somewhat known in many countries across this globe. I could never have imagined that ten plus years ago. That is not to say that, with hard work, ten years from now if my name is well on its way to being as recognized as say Angelou or  Chihuly or Adele (again, please see my caveat re: singing above), I will not complain; really I won’t. A few ago I posted in my blog how my life has done a complete 180 degree turn regarding the arts in my life- from it dearth in my youth to its depth now. My love of writing, music, painting, poetry, theatre – it is all so ingrained into me now I cannot imagine breathing without it. I have rediscovered not just my love for the art of others, but to also appreciate and love, nurture my own arts as well.

I have accomplished some things I could not conceive of doing 30, 20, 10 years ago. Imagined?-yes. Hoped and prayed?-yes. Actually thought I would get to do?-no. But I have done and it has been a marvel. I have so many wonderful people in my life, and I include some of those whom I have yet to meet face-to-face. Had you asked me years if I ever truly thought I would know get to know just people globally, outside of my best friend, that if I should ever step foot in their country and did not make a sincere effort to meet with them that I would be royally cussed out, I would have laughed heartily in your face. Heartily. Yet, I am slowly marking not just countries, but continents of my lists; this is where I am now.

I look in the mirror each morning and I’m glad to say the majority of the time I smile at what I see. (Queue Mary J. Blige’s Fine here.) Not just physically, but emotionally as well. I have my raw days, we all do, however I can honestly say I have never been so full of life, enjoying life, thriving in the art of simply living life as I am right now.

So, if I have to make that final exit today, I can say I would be happy.  Still, for as much as I have already accomplished, have I crossed-off even a third of my ever-expanding Want-To-Do list?-Nope. So forgive me if  I’m hoping for at least a few more decades to work on those, before I leave you guys, okay? Because I’m Happy!
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Writing Our Lives #52essays2017 challenge – Week 14

52essays2017

A year-long weekly personal essay/memoir/creative nonfiction writing challenge. To learn more about this challenge or to participate, check out Vanessa Martir’s website and learn about it.

Loving View of You

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He has learned to love himself through “her” eyes, and through the eyes of others. To believe he is worthy not because he himself thinks he’s worthy, but because they say so. He searches for himself in how they view him, but he forgets that when she leaves, when they leave, all leave with their views as well – so what’s left of him then?

She has to unlearn that peace with Self in never going to be in the desires of yet another lover’s eyes. She has to unlearned that love is physical, that she has to be touched by another for love to be felt.  She does not know how to fall in love with the soul and mind of another, let alone her own self, thus she forgets her body’s worth. She has not learned the power of loving her own self, loving her own company.

When we are  looking for others to complete our sense of self, we fail to realize, we will never be complete unless you are within ourselves. We have to unlearn searching  for ourselves in the eyes of our parents, especially the absent parent – whether physically, but especially the emotionally one/s. We become adults and eventually move out of caretakers physical grasp, but the psychological ties, good and bad, bind so much longer. What parts are who you are, and what are who they say you are?

We continue giving valuable pieces of ourselves to the wrong people; they will continue to leave us feeling empty, and yet we continue to look to these same people to fill these holes. Being lonely is no excuse. We need to understand the difference between compromise and settling for less, to believe that it is not okay to lower our standards, mediocre is not good enough.

There’s a reason the phrase “I can do bad all by myself” exists. Because the people we let into our lives – not colleagues or families, as we often have little to no choice over them – I speak of the remaining that we let into our lives, is a reflection of what’s outside of us, and that reflection should always be of something good. They reflect how we choose to see what is outside of us, they can never destroy the core within us, we you don’t let it.

Stop looking for a partner...

We get trapped in the stresses of trying to live up to impossible perfection. We subconsciously learn  that to be in any way flawed is an offence. We try to fit into these images created by others and forget how to simply be ourselves. We forget the power we have within ourselves, to love ourselves first.

To love ourselves, first. When we do that. everything falls into alignment.

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Writing Our Lives #52essays2017 Challenge – Week 12

52essays2017

A year-long weekly personal essay/memoir/creative nonfiction writing challenge. To learn more about this challenge or to participate, check out Vanessa Martir’s website and learn about it.

 

!! HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY !!

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Maya Angelou’s classic poem Phenomenal Woman as set to music by Amy Sky.

A loving reminder to all women that we are indeed phenomenal!

It’s International Women’s Day and I’m I woman. W-O-M-A-N! I’ll say it again!

Today is going to be ridicu-busy for me. If I don’t post something now – it won’t happen.  And who better than Maya and the lovely Amy Sky to say and sing it better?
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#SOL2017

#SOL2017

Let’s see how other’s are serving up their slices:

10th Annual Slice of Life Story Challenge! – DAY 8

Muse Away

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You say I astound and tease you, tell me how?
You have withheld yourself from all that I allow.

Giving baroque words flourish; this you’ve refused to nourish

I have called to you on the veranda on warm spring day
I was the ripple of warmth felt in a snow drift’s pattern sway
Though you held an umbrella drops of me hit you anyway
Yet you’ve discarded all words that I’ve begged for display
Love, what has caused this rift? Why deny yourself my gift?

Know that only for a select few, I share this I’ve given to you

What fear has triumphed so much that you cannot heed
That which for lucky others is the very blood they bleed
I give unto the language of lamentations desperate need
And word the story of a triumph over a dastardly deed
How oft’ you silenced this voice? As though you have choice!

Again you have me in hand, say the words; make them grand

Deny me not, I am your muse, know this passion will last
The days to chase me away is now a thing of the past

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dVerse ~Poets Pub | Open Link Night : Week 158