On the subway MMOC (minding my own commute) and glance up when the top three inches of a very colorful pair of boxer briefs under white ripped jeans come into view interrupting my crossword puzzle.

These are worn by a man who certainly is AARP if not Social Security eligible. I’m serious.

[Me internally – you must be kidding why?]

He (with happiness): Hi

Me (with caution): Hello.

He (with hope): You’re pretty.

[Me internally – I haven’t had coffee to deal with this ish, whyy?]

Me (with patience): Thank you.

I immediately go back to my crossword but I’m partially blinded by the colors in my peripheral and I cannot begin to expound upon how chagrinned that makes me.

He (throat clearing): Hey.

Me (eyebrow arching): Yes?

He (with hope): Can I get your digits?

[Me internally – Digits? DIGITS?? Oh surely you jest! Whyyy?]

(I find out why in a moment, but he looks at me and takes a step back; which was impressive given it is morning crush hour.)

Me (with disdainful): Let me be blunt. I can’t get down with a man who chooses to not keep his pants up. If I wear my trousers as yours I’m a slag. But you approaching a woman thusly is acceptable? Au contraire! I do hope the next station is yours.

He (with surprise): Damn you cold.

Me (with saccharine): Antarctic and dropping.

(There are some who will read this and chuckle getting the extra meaning – you’re welcome.)

I don’t know if the next station was his or not, but he left my sight. That was all I wanted.

Man Sitting Next To Me (shaking his head with mirth): You didn’t have to be so mean. The way your face went evil if looks could truly kill brotha would be a problem for the cleaning crew. Why you do him like that?

[Me internally – Oh Really?]

Me (turning my head with attitude): I had to be how I had to be. My face is my face. And what makes you think your opinion of such worth to voice it?

MSNTS (affronted): Fuck you.

[Me mentally switching dictionaries: Oxford > Urban]

Me (amused): Base language notwithstanding, sentiment fully reciprocated.

MSNTS (getting mad): You looked like you were a nice one until you opened your mouth.

Me (getting even): And your appearance likewise implied intelligence until your utterances indicated otherwise proving the adage of deceptive miens. . I can explicate, but conversational cessation would be preferred.

MSNTM moved as though he was about to do something. I didn’t even think about it as I started reaching for an earring (I flow between vivacious and voracious several times daily.)

Different Man Standing In Front of us who witnessed both exchanges: Bruh, stop. The way she just code switched on you like that? You ain’t possibly topping her, leave she be. Cause if I think you even thinkin’ ‘bout laying hands? Imma haveta take my earrings out along with she and none-a us want that this morning.

Me (gratefully): Thank you.

I go back to my crossword.

[Me internally – Why you must have that big ol’ wedding ring on? Whyyyy?]

MSNTM gets off two stations later with a muttered “Bitch.”

I don’t even look up. “Thank you, I resemble that remark.”

“I ain’t scared of you.” DFSIF laughs as he exits a station later.

“That’s ‘cause you scared of your spouse.” I laugh back. “Lucky wretch.”

“Damn right and yes I am.” He winks his goodbye.

And this is all before 7am.

If yesterday was Mad Monday for me (do not ask), today is definitely Takedown Tuesday.

Proceed with caution.

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Let’s see how others are taking it down this Tuesday…

Slice of Life Tuesdays
Writing Challenge
Two Writing Teachers