I rise up in slate – what care I of time?
Shades reflective of my soul – my heart wonders in hues felt,
Charcoal through silver – yellows through purples.
Dawn or dusk does not matter – the seconds, minutes, the hours
In the colors of mourning – are no means to measure joy.
At dVerse, Frank Tassone, our pubtender for today’s Meeting the Bar, challenges us to delve into aesthetics of Imagism, where less verbiage is employed to produce more imagery. We’re also encouraged to use Japanese or Sappho Greek lyric to accomplish such.
I chose an ancient form of Japanese poetry called Tanka and used it as a Super Tanka.
Tanka are 31-syllable poems. In Japan, it is usually written as a straight line of characters, but in English and other Western languages, it is usually divided into five lines, with a syllable count of 5-7-5-7-7.
The key to the Super Tanka form is that it is two Tanka side-by-side. Each can be read independently, yet must also work together as a whole, in effect creating three poems in one.
dVerse Poets Pub – Meeting the Bar: Imagism Revisited
Both sides work well. The use of colour is very painterly, the whole poem is evocative of grief.
Thank you, Sarah.
I love the use of colour, Raivenne, and the play on ‘rise up in slate’ and the ‘colors of mourning’, and the super tanka form works well..
Thank you, Kim.
that lovely line -“I rise up in slate’ ❤
the two halves balance so well with colour and time – bravo!
Getting the contrasts of each half to still match the over all unity is a challenge. Thanks.
Exquisite! The super-Tanka does, indeed, produce a triple-poem experience. Your skillful pairing of imagery and photo evoke a mood of mournful apathy. Wonderfully written!
Why thank you, Frank! Being succinct is not my forte, it was a pleasant challenge.
Yes, both sides work well alone. Masterful use of mood
I agree with all of the above. The contrasts are so visual, the mood so stark.
Thank you, Jane. As I said to Laura above, it was a challenge.
I’ve done these cleave poems before and I know, they are hard to work out.
I feel those colors of mourning…
Thank you, Lynn.
That is a supercool form. I enjoyed all three tanka, but the third super one the most. Each maintains/enhances the somber tone.
It is a good form, thanks, D. Avery.
Mindblowing. 1 + 1 + 1 = 10+
Thank you, Ron!
Adding this form to ones to try. You have skillfully created two complementary tanka that soar in the combined third. So sorrowful to read 😦
Thank you, Msjadeli. The Super Tanka has become one of my favored forms to use.
You are welcome.