Doorbell ~ Raivenne
She greets me with each new dawn
Much like my doorbell loud to sing
We pick a cardinal point to walk
See the morn – for noon will bring
reminders that in this masked new world
the year passes in its usual swing
I sit until dusk – no points met
For a silenced doorbell cannot ring
“The lingering clouds, rolling, rolling,
And the settled rain, dripping, dripping,
In the Eight Directions—the same dusk.
The level lands—one great river.
Wine I have, wine I have:
Idly I drink at the eastern window.
Longingly—I think of my friends,
But neither boat nor carriage comes.“
Tonight, at dVerse Poets Laura tends bar and reminds us that today, April 20th, is UN Chinese Language Day. Thus, we are challenged to re-interpret an original Chinese (translated) poem in our own style and try not to use too much of the original poem’s wording. I chose “Flood” by Tao Chien, whose ending lines of longing for friends brought to mind those missing friends and family lost this past year due to the pandemic.
In addition, I chose to re-interpret the poem in the Chinese LUSHI style:
- eight lines long of couplets – The first couplet should set-up the poem; the middle two couplets develop the theme, the final couple is conclusion
- each line must have the same number of words, either 5,6, or 7.
- a mono-rhyme is on every even numbered line
- Caesura (a pause) should separate clauses.
Beautifully rhymed and translated for our times!
How sad 😦
This was beautifully written.
❤
David
Thank you.
Bravo for the Lushi style – and finding that mono rhyme too! A modern twist to the lack of social interactions very well wrought – the last line speaks volumes!
Thanks Laura. For a while I thought I had my rhyming wrong when others claimed the Lushi style, but had not used the mono rhyme.
yes but you read it right!
You’ve given the original a modern ring. Many have felt this in the past year.
Sad, but true. Thank you, Ken.
I like your modernized spin on the poem and you did it so fluidly.
Thanks, Msjadeli.
You’re very welcome.
This is absolutely outstanding! 😀 Kudos to you for taking on the Lushi style and that too so skillfully! Especially like; “See the morn – for noon will bring reminders that in this masked new world the year passes in its usual swing, I sit until dusk.” Hopefully the world will revert from the pandemic soon. 💝
“Hopefully the world will revert from the pandemic soon” from your lips… Thanks Sanaa.
You manage to capture so much from the original poem: the beauty of nature, this feeling of loneliness, of being in the search for company and finding none. It’s gorgeous writing.
Thank you!
Indeed we did have the same thought regarding the waiting for friends… I just got my first vaccine shot so i’m hopeful now.
Thanks Björn – great minds…?