Let me begin with, I honestly am happy for Kate and William. I am glad the newest prince is healthy. I truly am as happy as I would be for any woman successfully bringing life into this world. However, that is where my empathy/sympathy begins and ends.
I hold my hand up and totally acknowledge my desire to be the total bitch here. You’ve been warned…
So, Catherine (Kate) Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, had a baby…
Yay, we’re celebrating the business of royal marital arrangements a.k.a. your womb is mine a.k.a. what’s love got to do with it?
Yeah, I said it.
They had a year and a half of time to themselves as man and wife. Most of it spent introducing the new bride to the rest of the free world. Well, as much time as a young couple can have when heirs to the monarchy of one of the most prosperous of the first-world nations that is, but eventually the honey moon period is over. Duties await and what is a new royal wife’s first royal duty? – why to be an heir making apparatus of course. Don’t kid yourself, Kate performed her royal duty to the Crown and popped out an heir as fast as not-so-little Willie could pump one in her. I’m giving them three years max before Royal Tot #2 is out. After all, there must be a royal back-up baby in case, well, you know…. Royal Tot #2 can ask good ol’ Uncle Harry about how always being 2nd best feels, once he or she gets here.
So, Princess Catherine had a baby…
So did blank.blank million other women yesterday. Are we globally Facebooking and Tweeting about all of them? I didn’t think so. I wonder how many of the imminent-to-be mothers were thinking ‘Ooh my baby is born on the same day!”? Oh come on, you know some of the ones in British territories did, or they will once they learn of the coincidence. I’m guessing the rest of the women in the world, whose contracting wombs, widening canals, separating hips and ripping perineum were likely too preoccupied. I could be wrong.
So, Kate Middleton had a baby…
Mind you, I fully comprehend the British interest in such; after all she is their princess. I’ll even branch it out to Europe in general as they are all nearby neighbors of the monarchy such as it is, so love thy neighbor and such. What I don’t get is the American fascination with such so that nearly every other status post in Facebook and Twitter tweets are still yapping on about the royal birth. Hmm, I wonder what Kate would about all those who are playing the baby’s birth date or weight/length and other such factoids at the numbers/lotto/horse race?
I feel as though I am the only hard-nose, heartless wretch not wearing the “Awww the prince and princess had a baby!” rose-colored glasses in this.
So Kate had a baby…
She’s fine? Yes. The baby’s fine? Yes. Okay then. What’s for lunch…?
You WERE warned…
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