24 comments on “Over

  1. oh true the truth finds a way to leek through…and there is def a price to pay….nice…the second stanza really took off for me and really nice close with the warning…i like…smiles.

  2. Clever poem, the way you play hide and seek with words here.
    The inns and outs of false communication when finally the truth will out.

  3. Lovely work on the form . I specially like this part:

    But yet the truth does find ways to seep through
    When the façade finally starts to fall
    We’ll pay the piper with the penance due

    So sad in the ending ~

  4. i love the image of the piper in this… the truth leaking through…there are things that can be hidden for a while but eventually the facade falls cause at one point we’re no longer strong enough to keep it upright…ugh…tough write

  5. Overall this is a beautiful but sad poem. Your use of rhyme is excellent, and your meter is tight. This line made me stumble though:

    Yet in those the truths we bury many lies.

    If you remove “the” then the stresses fall more naturally. Don’t worry about leaving only nine syllables; most readers will include an extra one by pausing.

    The turn this took was unexpected too; a real sting in the tail.

    • Oops, I stumbled as well. I was deciding between ‘the’ and ‘those’ and missed deleting the word ‘the’ from that line. It does not make sense with both words. Considering how much I I generally fail at iambs I am extremely happy on how well this one worked out. Thanks so much Tony!

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