7 comments on “untitled… (Subway)

  1. Wow, very vivid and intense. I love it. Captures my interest immediately, but also has an acute way of disturbing me, due to the detail of the murder. I feel like I am there witnessing this murder. One can almost imagine him/herself as THE victim of the murder – oddly enough, taking this outer body, voyeur view of their own murder being described to them.

    But it’s not just simply the description of the murder itself and how blunt it is, but everything that plays up to it. The build up or suspense, to me, before actual jolting execution is what can sometimes create that thriller sensation that readers get hooked in and affected by.

  2. Most vivid indeed, and certainly would make a great beginning for a murder mystery. I must add, however, that the first thing that struck me was not murder, but a picture of some stupid-ass kid “surfing” the train.

  3. A truly vivid account and your emotions rising to a pitch, it’s also tightly gripping to the last word! Terrific experience through your descriptions! Why not expand it to a whole story or a novel?

    Thanks, too, Raivenne, for your kind comments of mine. Truly truly appreciated!

  4. oh man…i was enjoying the train ride…love riding the subway people watching and then whew…did not realise it was a story until the tag line…haha…very well writ

    • Thanks all! Nice to know I can provide a different kind of chill down one’s spine; but fret not; I have no desire to turn into the next Stephen King.

      Brian – Some blogs allow me to link directly to a post, others only to my homepage. If you were looking for my Monday free-verse for One Stop it’s here: http://wp.me/pPury-gP

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