I Never Expected 

And you’d think it was you who called it off
At my own damned hubris do I scoff
Worse thing I ever did – how could I know
Would be to be so stupid in letting you go

Too afraid to tell you what was needed
You said I’d be sorry, you succeeded

I expected anger

How you made me strong was a weakness I’d deride
Though I knew it for truth, I was too deep in my pride
Knowing I lie, when I say I’ll get through this
Now trapped in the feeling my own hubris

All that’s left are the memories,
Once dear to me, now sear through me

I expected anger
I expected I might be sad

The empty bottles aren’t drowning out the din
When midnight finds me sobbing once again
You were all I had and I threw all
For I never learned how to beg, never knew how to crawl
And that’s my my downfall

I expected anger, 
I expected I might be sad

But no, I never expected to hurt so bad

National Poetry Month 2020

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