The sky seems more blue, From the bowels of earth
In shades unfathomable, to a world sealed in the night
A fidget enthralled, I’m moved standing still
By this bond twixt light and dark, A phoenix newly rising
In timelessness of twilight, The iron horse travels onward
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Over at Imaginary Gardens With Real Toads, Dreaming with Stacie provided a mini lesson on Poetry, Writing & Metaphor and invites to write a poem based on a specific metaphor.
Many of my subway travels involve elevated trains (el trains as we like to say), where my train may start at a station below ground, but ends at a station on an elevated platform above the streets. There is a marked difference in the dark of the tunnels and the dark of night. Even when riding during witching hours, when the train emerges from the tunnel it can feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes, especially in the heat of summer. The duality of the Super Tanka seemed the best form to tell the tale of transition.
Imaginary Gardens With Real Toads – on Poetry, Writing & Metaphor – Dreaming with Stacie
Raivenne-lations 
I love the meter and rhyme of this piece. I love the idea of moving whilst standing still and I love the term Iron Horse. Nicely done.
Ravienne – This is such a gorgeous image – you’ve captured both movement & stillness, darkness & light – both work so well to describe the metaphor of the train as a mythical bird of power & transformation (of which I’ve always loved, in fact, there is a phoenix in the novel I’m working on). 🙂 Thanks for participating & sharing.
There is such a splendid moment to be in the belly of a train.. to come out or dive into the soil is such a transition.
In shades unfathomable, to a world sealed in the night
A fidget enthralled, I’m moved standing still
Incredible lines!!
twix and phoenix in the same poetic line is really nice