I have friends who are in long-term with their mates.
I have friends who have just had their hearts broken.
I have friends who made the decision to be the heart breaker.
I have friends who cannot be so bothered with the pursuit and choose celibacy.
I have friends who will not be so bothered with it, but are not choosing to be celibate.
I have friends who are looking so hard for theirs; they are completely deaf to the Klaxons of desperation, which are blasting the eardrums of everyone else around them.

And for what? The Soul-mate (cue echo machine).

To many, the soul-mate interpretation of love is not an interpretation, it is not a myth, and it is not modern. Rather, it is The Way It Is, and the way it always has been.

* presses play on effin_sappy-assed_violins_and_fireworks.mp3 *

Find “The One” and you will be happy.
Find “The One” and your whole life falls into place.
Find “The One” and no pursuit, no passion, no love could be any greater than the love you feel when you finally embrace your soul-mate.

Ah, the amazing powers of the SOUL-MATE
(music crescendo – doves flying – sun shining – heavens parting – angels singing… you get the drift)…

Oh bollocks already!

* And insert record-scratch.mp3 here *

I personally have always had a problem with that theory – it is too damned easy. Everyone wants the easy way out, or more specifically the easy way in love and guess what? It don’t work that way. Yes, this very poet who has dozens of words expounding on the very subject of the perfect romantic love within this very blog said it. Slap on a pair and deal with it, I got more.

Everything worthwhile having gives you some crap, if not out right hell. “The One” is no different.

Contrary to what popular romantic theory (aka TV – Movies – Music – Poetry), would have you believe, meeting your soul-mate doesn’t guarantee “happily ever after.” Things don’t always get easier when you find that special someone and in fact, they might get even harder from time to time.

Let’s face it, even in the Disney-fied fairy tales most of the lovers either went through the “I can’t stand him / her” stage before they fell in love or had to tackle some major shit (and sometimes both), before the happily-ever-after finally kicked in. And are we really sure about that happily-ever-after? I mean Princess Aurora has been asleep for one hundred years! Can you imagine Aurora’s stress on having to suddenly get up-to-date on fashions (oh gurl that gown is so last century!) and modern conveniences (a chamber pot in its own room M’Lord? How divine!) while Phillips is busy still trying to maintain the apparent duties of being heir apparent? (Seriously babe, I couldn’t give a dragon’s fart on whether you wear the pink or blue bustle.)

Okay fine, let’s jump the fairy tales up a century or two:

Yes, Edward Lewis (Richard Gere) and Vivian Ward (Julia Roberts) fall in love in Pretty Woman, but we aren’t there after the screen fades to black to see how the multimillionaire and former prostitute try to make their relationship work past the fire-escape. You know Philip Stuckey (Jason Alexander) the only other person who knew (and not in Edward’s best graces), blabbed that tidbit of her previous employment all over the place, which I am sure was taken oh so well by the other ladies in their snotty little society.

Hell, let’s jump another couple of decades forward to Sex and the City (the television show). Carrie and Big went through years of bullshit (and other lovers), before they got their act together. Years. Yet no one denies those two are soul-mates.

In Sex and the City: The Movie 1, Carrie reads the story of Cinderella to one of her best-friend Charlotte’s young daughter, Lily. At the end of the story, she looks at the little girl and says, “You know this is just a fairy tale, right sweetheart? Things always don’t happen like this in real life”

Let’s stick with our modern-day fairytale princess Carrie Bradshaw for just a tad moment longer. Even after she and Big are married – they learn, in Sex and the City: The Movie 2, with even a love as grand as theirs (*barfing.mp3 *), it ain’t always easy keeping the magic going.

Falling in love, as hard as it sometimes is, is the easy part. Staying in love is work.

The problem is few want to work. Thus, I reiterate my sentence from above…

Everything worthwhile having gives you some crap, if not out right hell from time to time. “The One” is no different.

Ultimately, a soul-mate is someone you can grow with, and the only way to grow together is to face challenges together and challenges are work.

And here is where I’m really gonna set fire to the rain…

Nearly, everyone says and thinks of a soul-mate as the all-encompassing, be all and end all romantic type of love.

I propose a person can have more than one soul-mate and while a soul-mate is always, someone you want to share the rest of your days with, a soul-mate is not necessarily or solely the person you also want to share your bed with for the rest of your days.

But that thought is a blog for another day…

9 thoughts on “Soulmates

  1. The last paragraph – definitely true. As for Sex and the City the Movie 2 – too unbelievably contrived to mean much of anything. I’m of course referring to Carrie suddenly meeting up with Aidan in Dubai, of all places. (or was it Abu Dhabi, or Yabba Dhabba Dhu?) I basically feel that the older one gets, the less one expects a Disneyesque fairy tale ending. Note too that these stories always end before the lovers start having bay-bees!

    • Of course SITC is contrived – it’s a modern fairy tale!. And hey, babies are their own dynamic. Rebellious teenager stress is one thing, but don’t blame the little buggers for the stress they add to the dynamic – it’s not their fault.

  2. Well, you and I have discussed this before, and you know that I don’t even like the term soul mate, that I think we choose from the field around us, and that there would be both advantages and obstacles with any choice we make. At least we *hope* for the advantages, but the obstacles will be there for sure. We can just hope that our own rough edges and our partner’s rough edges sand each other smooth instead of scrape each other raw.

  3. I’ve always liked the comment “true love isn’t gazing longingly into one anothers eyes. It is looking outward toward the same point in the horizon together”.

  4. I’ve got one of the best relationships in the world, and it was that way pretty much from the start. We won’t talk about all the relationships before this one, except, I will tell you this; I learned a lot in all those other ones, and the most important thing I learned was that I didn’t know a damn thing about how to love another person. Sherry came along, and I realized it was a two way street; I didn’t know what it was like to be loved. It was like someone turned a switch on inside my heart, and in leaps and bounds, I found out that no matter how much I loved this woman, she seemed always a step ahead of me. We have been out-loving each other ever since. it’s obviously more complicated than that, but on the other hand it’s simple as hell.
    Yep, we’re on the same wave length,Raivenne. Great minds, and all that! You’ve written some thought-provoking good stuff here, my friend.

  5. Pingback: Soulmates? II « Raivenne-lations

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