Choosing Happiness…

I once read somewhere…

There is a certain kind of person that leans towards happiness.

I’d like to think, in spite of the less than stellar periods that mark my life from time to time, that overall, I am that kind of person.

I’m happy overall, simply because I chose to be. My problems haven’t lessened. Those who have access to my Facebook statuses, see when my moods are more midnight than noon. Still, even when I’m in the midst of a personal pity party, a part of me always knows “and this too shall pass” and I will be happy again.

How I’ve learned to handle life’s many bouts of crisis diminutive and demanding come from two main sources, my late-husband and my faith (such as it is). From my late-husband I’ve learned how to compartmentalize. Decide what is important, and needs working on now. The non-important things are mentally shelved until there is time for them, or when/if the time comes, to move them further up my importance ladder. The things I have deemed important are then broken into two main categories. What can I do to fix/change/control/help/etc. whatever it is now? If there’s something I feel I can (or am willing) to fix/change/control/help/etc., that is what I work on to the best of my ability. However, if it is something I feel I cannot (or perhaps should not) do anything about a given situation, here is where my faith comes in. I simply “Let go and let God”. Once a decision is made between the two, I may still think about it, but I don’t worry about it.

Several have asked, how have I managed to move on so quickly from the loss of a husband of twenty years? Honestly – I woke up one day and chose to. I have an acquaintance, Donna (a wonderful Numerologist and avid knitter), with whom I once adamantly contested in having a choice about moving on with my life, instead of continuing to wallow in grief, when she initially presented it to me that way (as a choice). I honestly did not see it as a choice at the time, simply because I am not the type to wallow in anything emotionally negative for any extended period. Having since met with (and/or read about) other widows/widowers and have seen the variety in how we choose to cope, or not cope, I understand. I may not have been entirely cognizant of doing such at the time, but yes Donna, I see that now. I made a choice, I chose to be happy, or at least start the process to get there.

Some have called it avoidance, but that is not necessarily true. When I am avoiding a problem it worries my soul constantly until I deal with it, one way or another, by the means I mentioned above. There is a huge difference to my personal sanity (hah!) between when I avoid a problem and when I choose to place it temporarily to the side until I have the means/knowledge/etc. to work on it. It’s not exactly letting go if I’m letting it worry me now is it?

Various religions and/or spiritual paths seem pretty sure that happiness comes from within and that it is within our control. You know what? I can’t honestly argue with them. I am happy, as I said above, simply because I chose to be. And when I say happy, I mean happy with the three people I face in the mirror each morning; me, myself and I. As long as I know for myself that I’ve honestly done all I can (or should) for the situation, I’m good; therefore I’m happy.

Why? Because there are only sixty seconds in each minute and I only have X amount of minutes/hours/day/weeks/months/years/decades left of life. True to form, I suck at math and thus have no idea what X stands for. Therefore, I do not have time to waste but so many minutes on being miserable. We all have our spells on the crying couch, but it’s our choice as to how long we stay there. Yes, I know, it sounds oh so simplistic at the core, I do not deny that; but like everything else in life, it is and it isn’t. And yes, I really do run pretty much everything in my life this way, because it works FOR ME (your mileage may vary). I don’t argue with it any more because it makes me what?–miserable.

I think you have an idea now about how long I’m willing to put up with that.

12 thoughts on “Choosing Happiness…

  1. Great, Raivenne. Keep expanding the “Let go, let God!” category. I long ago found it to be much larger than most people think.


  2. THANKS, R. I’m in physical pain & can’t get around much these days (asthma & Fibromyalgia) but I’m emotionally in good shape most of the time. Sadness & a sense of loss are there, but not in the way.

    So now I can SIT & blog about what I’ve learned over the last 35 yrs. For yrs people have been bugging me to write. Until recently I was too busy do-ing but I always knew I’d would when I was old. Guess that’s now! 🙂

    Choice – yes – about what I think & how I act – not about how I feel emotionally. When I’m upset I can help my inner child feel better by loving her & taking her places where I can safely vent the pain.

    I think of you too & follow your posts. Thanks gain.

    • Hey D!!

      “So now I can SIT & blog about what I’ve learned over the last 35 yrs. For yrs people have been bugging me to write. Until recently I was too busy do-ing but I always knew I’d would when I was old. Guess that’s now!”

      Well, having spent the past hour or so perusing the ACOA parts of your blog, I dare say it is some wonderful lemonade you’ve made out of being at home more.

      Good to hear from you.

    • I’d shake my head, were I not giggling. If that darn song gets stuck in my head, should you feel a mysterious smack upside the head when no one is around, it will be from me

      • hahahahaha I love it! If it gets stuck in your head, just start thinking about the theme song to the Beverly Hillbillys. That should change your tune! (I used to drive my youngest son crazy putting songs into his head. You might say, I’m a professional.)

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