Normally, my breakfast at work in cold weather is a cup or two of instant oatmeal or Cream of Wheat. It’s dreary rainy Tuesday here in New York City and I was in the mood for something savory, not sweet. So I pop downstairs to the coffee shop next door -no not Starbucks- where the colonnade protects me from the rain.

The coffee shop has two wood benches outside. A couple of college students are seated on one, chatting and sharing a hot cocoa. They look adorable together and I have the impression they are a couple as I enter. I know most of the staff visually and we acknowledge each other as I place my order for a ham and gruyere croissant and wait by the window as it is warmed for me.

I am looking out at the droplets that drip from the decorations of the annual Christmas tree that arrived last week and is now decorated for the holidays. My idle query on coupledom is confirmed when the two outside share a quick, but meaningful kiss. The two are oblivious to the world, as most young lovers are. I smile move my eyes away, giving them a sense of privacy even if they are not worried about such.

That is when I see him…

A man comes into view. Nothing out of the ordinary, a white short-sleeved dress shirt, black trousers, loafers, his hair could maybe use a comb. As I said, nothing out of the ordinary for a Tuesday morning…

All the way up to the point when, with barely a break in his step, he reaches down, grabs the end of the bench not being used and calmly starts to walk off with it.

Wait. What the actual…?

“Um dude, you might want to rescue your bench. Some guy just walked off with it ” I inform the barista closest to me, just as he is turning to hand me my order. The bench thief is moving surprisingly fast to be dragging the bench behind him for he is out already out of sight.

The barista immediately runs out. I explain what is happening to his coworkers and leave. I don’t see the interaction, a column of the colonnade blocked my view, but I heard the short but volatile Samuel L. Jackson worthy exchange before I see the understandably aggrieved looking barista with said bench under his arm. He thanks me in passing as he returned…

The couple on the bench, in their own little rose-colored glasses world did not realize anything was amiss until the barista ran out. They were unaware the benches were not anchored until the one beside them moved. Even then, because the man really looked like he could have been a low-level manager, they assumed he worked there.

I return upstairs to find out that someone who fit his description was found roaming around the underground carpark of my office building and was ejected from the premises. And all of this was before 9 A.M.

I’m at my desk, sipping my much needed coffee. I’m too leery to wonder what other craziness is in store for today. I fear Universe will take it as a challenge.

I do not want to FAFO.

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Let’s see how others are slicing life this Tuesday…

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