6 comments on “Untitled…(excerpt – Assassin)

  1. If that’s what it takes to become king, I’d rather remain way under the royal radar. BTW, the entire story, including the names and native words, suggest Arabic, especially “darkra / darkran / ydarkra”

    • I felt the same thing, Bob, without even reading your comment – the Arab feel of the names suggested the placement of the characters, etc. I felt like it was not on Earth, but a different world, but with the Arab influences in my minds eye 🙂

  2. OH MY GOD…. FINISH IT FINISH IT…. I loved this….. I was riveted from the beginning … this was an AWESOME, AWESOME write…. you have a novelist in you!

    A couple concerns; were you have “The satisfaction of hearing the breath leave from the assassin’s body…” the word ‘from’ can come out: “The satisfaction of hearing the breath leave the assassin’s body…”

    And is “Mevral” a shortened nickname for “Mevralud” … sometimes you call him one, then the other … it might confuse a reader if not explained in the text…

    but all in all, my Rai… I am enthralled… please finish it, make it a series – SOMETHING! It reminded me of The Prince of Persia, or one of those action movies; I could picture the whole scene in my head and in my mind the scene is based on a different world that looks like an Arabian desert… the names of the characters, the swordfights, etc….

    Totally in love with this!

  3. Ah Bajan, Thanks! Duly noted and corrected the “from”. I am far too verbose, for my own good.
    Yes, Mervral is the diminutive for Mevralaud. By the time this event takes place in the story arc, the full and diminutive names of the major characters are well established, but I can see the initial confusion with this as a standalone scene. I tend to use both when writing, as saying the one name over and over gets boring.

    As for the names and places etc, all of it is made up (DUH!),. I never saw “Prince of Persia” the movie or the game it originated from. Ydarkra Rohn is on earth, just not our Earth. Interesting that you and Bob pulled Arabic influences from them. It was not my intent, but I like it. My spell check, however is going ballistic.

    Thanks to you both, glad you enjoyed my flight of fancy.

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