A Dream Remembered

.

.

With one hand on the hexagram and one hand on the girl
I balance on a wishing well that all men call the world.
We are so small between the stars, so large against the sky,
and lost among the subway crowds I try to catch your eye.
‘Stories of the Street” – Leonard Cohen / Songs of Leonard Cohen

I stand here on this dirty stoop and watch the world go by
A sense of the familiar comes, but I can’t figure why
These walls of my horizon cannot touch the clear blue sky
Of the home of my childhood, with its vistas wide and green
The thought to even compare such, to me is just obscene
Yet the feeling weighs upon me, a slow careful unfurl
Like this star that’s drawn among all the writing on the wall
How it matches the pendant of this sweet thing I recall
The thoughts weave through my muddled mind, as timelines start to swirl
With one hand on the hexagram and one hand on the girl

In the middle of this day, I’m taken back to that night
Though it’s a sweet, sweet memory, I know it’s not quite right
The strong sense of euphoria, of happiness, of light
It wraps itself around me, a feeling I can’t shake yet
Like that lingering dampness after being cold and wet
I wait for it to come, a new wisdom to be pearled
With the magic of the city from a secret wand thrown
I blend into the dankness, one of the many unknown
Just another cast off penny, with a final wish hurled
I balance on a wishing well that all men call the world

You pass me as I stand here, suddenly it all makes sense
All the odd and wild sensations that held me in suspense.
Memories of homeland, pummel me with force intense
You don’t say a single word, but I feel it in my core
I somehow know you’re now my home, and yet you’re so much more
This sprawling festering city seems small with an ally
You’re a dream remembered; details forgotten start to gel
I watch you sink from view, as you descend to subway hell
Where a man’s dream of the world comes in such a small supply
We are so small between the stars, so large against the sky

But this dream was meant to be, once I gazed upon your face
A gentle whiff of homeland, in this god-forsaken place
The familiar in the unknown – what you bring to my space
But first I have to woo you, let you know, we’re meant to be
An oasis for just two, in the midst of this city
Still not knowing how I’ll do it, just knowing I must try
I quickly follow my instincts into this moving mass
Surrounded by so many, yet I only see you lass
I stand alone among the din, this massive human sigh
And lost among the subway crowds, I try to catch your eye.

<>==========<>==========<>
Yes, me and my old friend the Glosa join forces with Cohen again.

dVerse  Poets Pub | OpenLinkNight : Week 97

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

keith_sparrow

His words…

I may have just gotten in a lot of trouble for disassembling a good portion of the steel siding around the front entrance door to the shop…. so I could grab a baby sparrow that fell down into the metal channel with mom and dad freakin’ out….

Worth it.

Definitely worth it.

Yet one more of the many reasons I am proud to call this guy my friend.

The Bitter With The Sweet

It was my third week back at work after my husband’s passing. Still early in my path of grieving, the okay days were the ones spent staying one step ahead of the tears in want of falling at any given moment.  The better days were the ones I got through simply by rote. This particular day was a cross between the two and only I knew why. Thus, it was something of a surprise when early in the afternoon a flower delivery guy stops at my desk.  My mind was understandably elsewhere and it took a moment for it even register that the flowers were for me.

I remember being perturbed as I signed for them.  I was thinking who in their right mind would send me condolence flowers, at work, a solid month after the fact. I mean what else could they be? And why today of all days?  I open the box to reveal two dozen red roses in a silver vase. They were lovely and smelled heavenly.  After getting fresh water and arranging them, I finally read the card that came with it.

Because you thought I never would –Posslq

I loved my husband dearly, but it was a running point of contention/running joke between us on how he was not a flowers giving kind of guy. The compromise being that I received flowers on Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day; that was it. And that was the way it remained. Still, in our nearly twenty years together, never had he sent flowers to work for any reason, until that day.

The signature “Posslq” -pronounced “poss-el-que”- stood for People of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters.  It was something we got from the late Andy Rooney of “60 Minutes” fame, where in his not quite jokingly curmudgeon way stated the IRS should add POSSLQ to the Married/Single/Head of Household options on the annual tax forms, to reflect couples who live together, but are not married.  We had turned it into a silly term of endearment for each other, which we had stopped using, quite correctly, once we married.  It is the only reason I knew they were from him, as no one else would have known we called each other that.  I always then knew why they arrived on that specific day – it was our wedding anniversary.

I learned later on in the day, after a few phone calls, that he made the arrangements for the flowers the Friday before he died. The guy at the florist shop remembered him and how he was making jokes about messing with his wife (me), on a random whim. None of which was surprising at all to those who have had the pleasure/torture of knowing my late-husband. But at that moment the incredulous reality of it set in and I burst into laughter.

I had not laughed that hard, that sincerely, since before my husband passed.  One of my co-worker popped his head over the low barrier of out cubicles. He was smiling happy to see me laughing and wanted to know what was so funny, so I told him.  “My dead husband sent me flowers for our anniversary.” Suffice it to say, that wiped the smile from his face, which made me laugh even more.  I explained it to him and then he understood. Granted it took some convincing before he would believe that I really was all right; that my laughter was not from hysteria and I was not about to lose all it in the middle of the office floor.

My husband was the reason I lost my laughter. It made perfect sense to me he was the reason I got it back. Surprisingly, and yet not, I really was okay with it.  Now, seven years after his passing, there’s always a twinge of the bittersweet in my smile when I use that vase.

<>==========<>==========<>

Daily Post: Bittersweet Memories

And come see what else is slicing at Two Writing Teachers:
Slice of Life Teal

Slice of Life Weekly Writing Challenge – May 21, 2013

At Last

It was a fantastic spring day,sunny with the occasional perfect whit cotton candy cloud the break the perfect blue sky. My sister and I had spent an afternoon of strolling around downtown and not quite window shopping as we caught up on news and gossip that somehow missed our various communications.  We had just taken outside seat a café when we saw him, coming out of a side door of the same cafe.

Yes, that him.

He was donning sunglasses as he came out, Looking as haughty as ever. Looking as good as ever.

My heart dropped a beat. Several beats in fact. My sister saw my face, turned  to look and let out a curse. Yeah, it was like that. We had a thing once.  No, that’s not correct. I had a thing. No, that’s not correct either.

We were both going for our doctorate and wound up in a lot of the same circles together with mutual friends until we became friends ourselves.  Good friends. And then I made the cardinal sin. I fell for him. And it was bad. Really bad. And he knew it. I never said a thing to him, but I know he knew.  He never said a thing to me but I knew long before I fell that I would never be someone he would love like that, yet deep inside I had hoped. Still, because I am a glutton for Punishment 101, I lied and said we’re just friends we continued to hang out. We hung out so much at one point some people thought we were a couple.  He was always gentle, but damn quick to say we were just friends.

Naturally it had to blow up and blow up it did. The argument was ugly and my heart was torn asunder like nothing I had ever imagined could hurt so bad. My only solace was that the semester was over and I didn’t have to see him for the summer.  Then fall arrived and fate cruel continued placing us in the same circles. It was agony. I gave up all social contact with everyone then and poured it all into my school work, finishing my studies, my thesis everything.

That was over a year ago. That was over a year ago and this doctor eventually healed herself. Enough to not want to cry at the thought of his name.  Enough to be able to talk about him with my sister and even laugh. With he and I no longer  travelling so many of the same circles any more, I even healed enough to be able to idly chat with him on the occasions our paths do crossed.

A woman came out behind him donning her own sunglasses. I recognized his fiancé immediately as we had at an even a month or so agao. He turned, saw me smiled and waved. And I’ll be damned if a shaft of sunlight didn’t find him at that instant, with a soft breeze blowing through his hair. And for a moment I was back in time, back to when things were good, when he and I were together, but not.  It felt so good for a moment and then reality rushed back into place. My heart broke again for the briefest moment. It was the oddest bittersweet feeling, like feeling homesick for a place that doesn’t exist.  And much to my sister’s surprise I laughed as I waved back actually happy for him.

I really was in a good spot at last.

<>==========<>==========<>

My hand at trying Kellie Elmore’s Free Write Friday. The prompt was based on an image, but the quote that came with the image struck me more and I went with that.

#FWF – Free Write Friday – Image Prompt

Siren

.
.
You knew she was trouble when she walked in
Got quiet like a whisperer had spoke
With legs up to there, this doll was no joke
A quick glance from under my fedora
Face of an angel, but a body of sin
She was the box and I was Pandora

A tempest of whispers spread through the club
The slit of her dress was up to oh yeah
And not a thing underneath but pure air
That outfit was custom made to adorn
And where the babe walked were the whisper’s hub
Fitting her curves like nothing ever worn

Dress held together by a simple gold link
Even Frail Freddy rushed to take her hand
Just a marionette at her command
As he guided her to a stool on stage
Not a man in there had senses to think
As she crossed her leg with a perfect gauge

It felt like she looked each man in his eyes
Her liquid voice melting over their soul
Her descant was love gone out of control
Her notes downright gritty or raw and lonely
Yes, each man begged for her songs reprise
But she had her sites locked on one only

Deer to headlights I was trapped in her gaze
She pointed at me and crooked her finger
A beauty like that you don’t let linger
I stood giving my trench a little tuck
As she disappeared in the smoky haze
Half-hearted wishes grumbled lucky-schmuck

We rode each other ‘til we were cryin’
She never quite spoke, her words in sing- song
And she was saying things I knew were wrong
Like her husband she wanted me to kill
I realized she was a modern siren
But she knew she had control of my will

Her husband, I was to shoot in the head
When we met up later on in the park
After midnight when it’s quiet and dark
She had sung, I should have done as was told
She’s surprised when I shoot her down instead
I hardly heard her song, I had a head cold

I watch the glow of my cigarette tip
As her husband leans over and just smiles
I hadn’t seen him do that in a long while
He don’t smile much as leader of the mob
Yes, the start of a beautiful friendship
Paying me for the first of many jobs

<>==========<>==========<>
Have NO idea where my muse pulled this craziness from. I’m just rolling with it.

dVerse ~ Poets Pub | OpenLinkNight: Week 96

Daily Prompt: Bar None

Three people walk into a bar; stop at the top step and look around…

The place truly had seen better days. Cloth covers most of the major furnishings.    What was not covered by cloth was under the same thick layers of dust that covered the cloths. A few shafts of sunlight slanted across the room giving an otherworldly sparkle to the dust motes that took to flight upon their entrance and were now resettling. Desaturated of color, the many gray and black shades of dirt and dust gave a horror film quality to the place

With a dramatic flair she takes the few steps down to the main level and walks over to a table, grabs the edge of a cloth and flips it over onto itself revealing the tabletop underneath. Heavy walnut with mother-of-pearl inlays greeted them.  Well, what was left of the inlay that is. The inlay was chipped in some places and outright missing in others.  The wood itself had its own dents and stains.  She leans a little on the table, testing its strength, nearly falling to the floor as the wobbly legs finally revealed themselves and the table crashed to the floor sending up a cloud of dust.   She spies the dubious expression of one her companions as fans the dust away from her and she sighs.

Slowly, they uncover the other furnishings.  Like the first table, most were in some major state of disrepair, including the chandeliers.  The more they looked, the more she could see her dubious companion’s hope fall even more.

Without a word she and the other companion look to each other knowingly. Together husband and wife turn to the realtor still looking at the two of them very doubtful of the sale .

“We’ll take it!”

<>===========<>===========<>
Daily Prompt: Fill In the Blank

Poor Man

.

.

Poor is an image I find difficult to afford
Man as the tool to my gain is in constant accord

I can only imagine it – and it’s mine ’till he sighs
Have not met a sugar who didn’t want these thighs
To decorate his hungry lap with something fresh
Tell him I’m a mistake? – I did, I really tried but
You can’t reseal the lid on a busted nut

He took a gamble on the liquid swing of my hips
Never fearful of the snug feel of my lips
Knew he could last longer than always
What has he known? On that subject I’ve got it sewn!
Hit it like an olden broken record pumped straight through
Him everywhere – yeah – my ample tool struck true

But my mantle? Starting anew after I take and take
I am not good at what I do – I’m better
Did I not try to tell him I was a mistake?

<>==========<>==========<>

A little Word Acrostic tempted me…

dVerse ~ Poets Pub | Poetics : It’s Tempting!

Over

.
.
So readily you sway to my sweet wile
And though we warn believe not all you see
I gaze at you enchanted by your smile

We tell each other truths to some degree
Yet in those truths we bury many lies
The veil well-worn over hypocrisy

Secure in all the ways that we devise
To keep our sadness hidden it is true
We smile and laugh, knowing it for disguise

But yet the truth does find ways to seep through
When the façade finally starts to fall
We’ll pay the piper with the penance due

The cold and bitter truth has come to call
That this marriage is over after all

<>==========<>==========<>

Trying my hand at a Terza Rima Sonnet for dVerse

dVerse Poets Pub | Form for All : Terza Rima and Terza Rima Sonnet

Invisible Man

.

.
But it felt like I was disappearing,

So I ran to the mirror to check it out.
I said, ‘Here I am, here I am, here I am”
But why do I feel like the invisible man?
Invisible Man – Joshua Kadison / Painted Desert Serenade

It’s the morning after and I feel shorn
I’m tired as can be and the sunlight slays
I want to anchor my thoughts, but I’m just too worn
Can’t seem to see myself in my weary daze
A shade off invisible in my haze
Rubbing at eyes seriously blearing
I try to own it to the night in wane
As day breaks through the window pane
Murky eyes see a body with vision clearing
But it felt like I was disappearing

I decide that it just can’t be the case
It’s my mind taking a very strange flight
This disembodiment of my face
But I couldn’t shake it, try as I might
That I was disappearing from sight
I hold my hands out front with a doubt
But my heart lurches at what it doesn’t see
The empty pristine space that should be me
And I wondered what that was about
So I ran to the mirror to check it out

For what will I be when I finish changing?
My very thoughts echoed the patterns swirled
What’s the impact on my life’s current arranging?
Just whose vision of me was being unfurled?
Will I be fluent in hate or bring joy to the world?
It all just felt like it an incredible scam
‘For self is a sea boundless and measureless’
Woe be to he who believes himself treasure less
So I just couldn’t get with this new program
I said, ‘Here I am, here I am, here I am”

I can’t be enticed to be another subject
Another copy of a copy I can’t tolerate
In the spirit of uniqueness, this I reject
And just that quick came a feeling sedate
Beyond my core I felt the quiet panic abate
Solidified back to me in a moment’s span
I’m glad to know I am in fact all here
Still, I just couldn’t shake that feeling so queer
Nothing changed from when this all began
But why do I feel like the invisible man?

<>==========<>==========<>

Yes, back to my beloved Glosa form.

dVerse ~ Poet Pub \ OpenLinkNight Week : 95

Thai Like It

View of a Glass of Thai Iced Tea from Above

This mouth watering goodness is a simple glass of Thai Iced  Tea. Usually I take drink pictures from the side, but this was truly a more interesting view. I’m going to consider this angle more often.

<>==========<>==========<>

Daily Prompt | Weekly Photo Challenge From Above